CAN YOU TOP THIS?

30 APRIL 1948

NBC RADIO

Emcee: Dennis James

Joke teller: Peter Donald

Panel: Joe Laurie Jr, Harry Hershfield, Ward Wilson

(barber, amazement, rudeness, clerk)

ANNOUNCER: “Can You Top This?” presented by the Colgate-Palmolive-Peet Company, makers of Colgate Dental Cream, to clean your breath while you clean your teeth, and Palmolive lather shave cream, for a smoother, more comfortable way to shave, and here’s Colgate-Palmolive Peet Company’s mater of ceremonies, Dennis James.

DENNIS JAMES: Well, good evening friends. Welcome to “Can You Top This?” our unrehearsed clown town, with Ward Wilson pinch hitting for Senator Ford.

WARD WILSON: Good evening.

DJ: Harry Hershfield

HARRY HERSHFIELD: Howdy.

DJ: Joe Laurie Jr.

JOE LAURIE JR: Hellooo.

DJ: And here’s the people’s representative, our storytelling genius, Peter Donald to tell the first joke of the evening, which comes from Mrs. Clara Jiro of Capac, Michigan, and it’s on the subject of “barber.” You it everybody? Barbershop. Don’t get clipped, please. Go ahead.

PETER DONALD: Well, it’s about little Dennis James, aged seven years old, and they send him to a barbershop for his first haircut. So the barber lifted the kid up in the chair. He says, “That’s nice. Now you be a good boy.” He says, “You sit there and me, Tony Lezzaiamo, give you good haircut.” He says, “Don’t worry.” So he starts to work on the kid and he took the electric clippers and he ran it around the back of the kid’s head. And the kid starts bawling. He goes, “Baaaaaah!” Tony says, “Please, don’t do that! I’m a no hurt you! Don’t you see that?” So he goes with the electric clipper again, and as soon as he touches the kid he goes, “Aaaaaah!” He says, “Please, don’t do that. You make me jump, you know. I’m going to cut your hair down to your knees if you don’t watch out, please! Don’t do it. Shut up, that’s all.” Soon as he touches the kid with the electric clipper again, “Waaaaah!” Tony says, “Please. Wait a minuta. What’s a matter for you, please, eh?” Kid says, “Well, gee. My mama told me if I didn’t wash my neck good and clean she would spank me, and I scrubbed my neck, but I guess it ain’t clean enough.” He says, “Well, what makes you think your neck is dirty?” He says, “Because you had to use that vacuum cleaner on it!”

DJ: I don’t know why you’re looking so sour, Pete. The vacuum cleaner or no vacuum cleaner, it was a clean sweep. You made a big 1000 on that Colgate-Palmolive laugh meter. You’re out in front with twenty-five dollars for Mrs. Jiro, so the three wits will have to just try to tie it. Harry Hershfield is first.

HH: Well one I haven’t heard in years is a barber had had an awful day, you know, playing the races. Every few minutes he’d get the report on the race and he’d take a drink. And he was getting drunker by the minute, and in walks one of those ministerial guys to get a shave, and he gets in this guy’s chair of all chairs. And as he gets in the chair he gets a whiff of the liquor, but he doesn’t say anything because he’s under the razor now. And this guy is getting these, and he’s been drinking and he’s thinking of the races and he’s giving this guy a shave and he’s beginning to cut him and he’s shaving him, wobbling all over him and he’s shaving him, cut him, and finally this fellow feels something and he looks up. He sees a little blood, he looks up and in places all his face is cut. He says, “Now, you see the effect of liquor?” He says, “Yes, it makes the face very, very tender!”

DJ: Yes, just a shade tender, Harry. That was 900 up there on the Colgate-Palmolive laugh meter, but we’ll see who’s next. Ward Wilson right there.

WW: I was thinking of the gag that the lake beloved Mark Hellinger gave me credit for as an original story a few years ago about the fellow who was in the barbershop getting everything from soup to nuts and he was all covered with steaming towels and everything and the manicurist was working on him and the shoeshine boy was working on his shoes. All of a sudden, right in the midst of this thing with all the steam coming up and everything, some guy busts in the door of the barbershop and he says, “Hey! Macciabelli! Your house is on fire!” With that, this guy jumps out of the chair, towels are flying in every direction, the manicurist loses all of her tools all over the floor, dashes out of the store, the barbershop, runs down the street like crazy for about two blocks, three blocks, four blocks. Finally he’s getting out of wind. He gets down to the fifth block and he stops on the corner all of a sudden. And he’s puffing. He looks around. He says, “Wait a minute. What am I running for? My name’s not Macciabelli.”

DJ: Maybe not Macciabelli, but you certainly matched that gag as told by Peter Donald, Ward, because it was up there solidly for 1000. And of course that put little Joe from Kokomo right in the middle.

JL: Well, there’s a lot of barbershop gags. The one I like very much is the one about my friend Mongomery. He goes into this barbershop. He says, “Shave please.” So he gets in the chair. Fellow said, “Close shave? He says, “Yeah. Stand near me.” So he shaves him, he shaves him. This fellow says, “Oh, oh.” Finally he gets all through, and Montgomery gets up and he looks over in the mirror. Looks at his face and looks at his face. Barber sees him looking. He says, “What’s the matter? Too close? Did I shave you too close?” He says, “Well, I want to tell you something, buddy. One thing I’m sure. I didn’t have these dimples when I come in.”

DJ: Well, that was a typical Laurie story and mighty cute, Joe. You know what it got up there? A big one thousand on the Colgate-Palmolive laugh meter, so that completes the first round. Pete got twenty-five dollars for Mrs. Jiro, so sending Mrs. Jiro the twenty-five dollars with the compliments of Palmolive shave creams, plus a phonograph record of Peter Donald telling her story on the air. And now, here’s Dan Donaldson with the biggest shaving news in history.

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DJ: Alright, gentlemen. Let’s continue with our contest of wit and humor, and here’s a joke which was sent in by Mrs. W. C. McIntee of Dallas, Texas, and the subject is amazement. Everybody’s ready, so, Peter Donald, take off, eh?

PD: Well, it seems that two fellows were travelling through the hillbilly country and everywhere they looked when they were near this small town, everywhere they looked they evidences of perfect shooting. There were on the trees, the walls, the fences, there were all these bullseyes and bulletholes in absolutely the center of every bullsye. And they measured this thing. This guy was shooting right in the center. They they decided to find who was doing this. They went to the general store, walked in there, and the proprietor came out. He said, “Howdy boys. What can I do for you?” He said, “Well, mister,” he said, “My friend and I were strangers in these parts and we noticed all over the place evidence of great marksmanship. Now, the two of us, we think we’re pretty good shots but we’ve never seen anything as amazing as this.” So he says, “Well, I’ll tell you, gentlemen,” he says, “You see that fellow sitting down there in the back of the store right by them Sears Roebuck cuspidors? That’s the fellow that did it. Why don’t you go over and meet him?” So they did. They went over, introduced themselves, and, again, one of the city fellows remarked on his great marksmanship. He says, “I tell you frankly, sir,” he says, “I don’t know where you learned to shoot, but I never saw such marksmanship,” he says, “Tell us. How do you do it?” And this big guy stretched. He says, “How do I do it? Well,” he says, “It’s just as plum easy as pie.” He says, “First I shoot my gun at the trees and walls and fences and then I draw the circles around the bulletholes.”

DJ: You started off slowly, Pete, but you hit the bullseye.

WW: Great story.

DJ: That was a 1000 on the Colgate-Palmolive laugh meter. Boys, you just know that you’re going to have to work to try to tie it. Little Joe is first this time to try to tie it.

JL: Well, Pete reminded me with his hillbilly story. This is sort of a new one. I mean, I don’t know. About this hillbilly never was to a city before. And he comes to the town. He gets to a hotel where a friend of his lived, a city fellow, and this fellow’s so happy to see him. He says, “Well, you see, I came back from the hills,” he says. Says, “I’m glad you looked me up,” he says, “I’ll tell you what you do. I’ve got to go around and do a little business now, but look. Here’s the key to my room. Go up there. There’s a good bottle of scotch there. Make yourself at home. Just make yourself at home. I’ll be right back. I’ll be back in about a half hour or so.” He says, “Okay.” And he showed him how to take the elevator and he went up to his room. Fellow comes back in about a half hour. He says… He comes in the room. He says, “How’d you like the scotch?” He says, “Scotch was alright,” he says, “But that siphon than you had of water there, than siphon,” he says, “I never saw such fizz water in my life.” He says, “Why, I never saw such fizz water go through. You know, that thing come out so fast it nearly knocked me out of the window.” He says, “The fizz water?” He says, “I have no siphon here.” He says, “Sure. You know that thing. That red thing with the brass rings around it.” He says, “That was the fire extinguisher!”

DJ: It was as hot as a Kewanee boiler, Joe, so it go, but not quite hot enough for a fire.so it got a 950.

JL: That’s hot enough.

DJ: That’s hot enough?

JL: Hotter than I remember.

DJ: Summertime. Alright, Ward. Go ahead.

WW: I was thinking of one about the little fellow up in the Bronx who walked in the delicatessen rather bashfully and he looked at this big counter of cut meats and ham and everything in the case, so finally he looks at the Swiss cheese and he says, “Pardon me. How much is the Swiss cheese?” Says, “A dollar and a quarter a pound.” He says, “How much you getting for the tongue?” Says, “A dollar and ten cents a pound.” He says, “How much for the cold roast beef sliced?” He says, “That’s a dollar forty a pound.” Just down the bottom of the case he spies this great big boiled ham. So he points down to that and he says, “Pardon me. How much you get for this?” And just then there’s a terrific bolt of lightning and a crash of thunder and he looks at the door, and he says, “For goodness sake! I’m only asking!”

DJ: Well, Ward, you’re only asking and I’m only telling. That was a 1000. Harry, that kind of puts you in the last slot.

HH: Yeah. There was a husband and wife. Always fighting. The minute they got together, within range of each other they’d start fighting and socking each other and everything. It went on, this quarrel, for years, and finally their son, their only son couldn’t stand it anymore. He couldn’t stand their quarreling, so he left home. A few years later a fellow came and says, “You know your mother died” He says, “My mother died? I’ll pray for her.” A few years later they came to him again. Says, “You father died.” And the fellow said, “My father died?” And he says, “Aren’t you going to pray for him?” He said, “No” He says, “Well, I stand here amazed and shocked. I am looking at you in amazement. You won’t pray for your father?You prayed for your mother, didn’t you?” He says, “Yes. And my prayers -- I know because of my prayers for her, she’s at this moment in heaven.” He says, “Why don’t you want to pray for your father?” “Why should I bring them together again and start the whole thing over again?”

DJ: Well, you made two ends meet. You know that Colgate Palmolive laugh meter starts off at zero. That one that Harry knew went way past the other end  which is 1000. So we complete another round and this time Pete got twenty-five dollars for Mrs. McIntee. Also she’s getting the Palmolive shave creams and a phonograph record of Peter Donald telling her story on the air. Did hear the way I said that I gave her shave creams? I don’t know what she’s going to do with them. But at any rate with the twenty-five dollars with the compliments of Palmolive shave creams, let’s go on, boys. But before we do go into another round, for getting things straight, I’d like to ask everybody to compete in this weekly gag fest. All jokes told by Peter Donald have been submitted by our listeners. So send your favorite joke to “Can You Top This?” care of NBC, New York or the station to which you’re listening. Now, of course, in cases of similarity, we’ll have to be the sole judges of who is paid. IN every case the decision of the judges is final. Laughs are registered on the big Colgate Palmolive laugh meter in full view of the studio audience and our three wits have no scripts. They rely on memory and ability to switch jokes to make them fit the subject. You ready, gentlemen? Then let’s continue with laughs. The next joke comes from Mrs. Sadie Dorsey of Manchester, Connecticut, and it’s on the subject of rudeness. I’m sure that’s clear to everybody, so, Peter, take it.

PD: Well, it seems that a bus slid to a stop at an intersection, and a voice from the back of the bus said, “Now wait a minute! No, don’t! Hold the door! I got to get off! Hold everything there!” So the driver says, “How am I supposed to know you want to get off? Did you ring the bell?” He says, “Did I ring the bell? Did I ring…? I’ve been tolling it! I thought you were dead or something.” Bus driver says, “Well, then why wasn’t you standing there at the door ready to get off?” He says, “What’s all the questions? Now, what are you running? A quiz program, or something? Alright, Dr. O. Pew, I’ll tell you if you want to know. It took me a long time to rise from me seat because me lap is full of bundles.” Guy said, “Oh, is that so?” He says, “Well, buddy, all I can suggest is that if you would it some yeast, maybe you would rise quicker.” He says, “Oh, you’re a comedian now, are you? He says if I’d eat yeast maybe I’d rise quicker. Well,” he says, “Let me tell you something you spalpeen. If you’d take some yeast, bejeebers, you might be better bread!”

DJ: You dood it, Peter. You dood it. Colgate Palmolive laugh meter reads 1000, so we take off to the wits who’ll have to try to tie it. I see only one hand up this time, too, and it belongs to Hershfield, so go ahead, Harry.

HH: Well, I was thinking of, say, rudeness in the way children are brought up today, the growing delinquency. I think this story fits. Four boys are brought into court, rushed in by the cop, and the judge looks at one of them. He said, “What are you here for?” He says, “For throwing peanuts in the lake.” He said to the second one, “And you?” He said, “The same thing. For throwing peanuts in the lake.” And he said to the third one, “And you? What are you in here for?” He says, “For throwing peanuts in the lake.” He turned to the fourth one. He said, “What are you here for?” He says, “I’m Peanuts.”

DJ: Oh, nuts! One thousand! Big, strong, full, and long laughs, Harry. Ward, to you want to try to follow that one?

WW: It’s a silly place to walk in, I know that. I was thinking, I think one of my favorite stories comes under rudeness. These two colored boys were given a job to remove a safe up in Harlem. They had practically no equipment. One great big guy, and one little bit of fellow. So the big guy finally put a beam on the second floor of the building. They put a pulley on that and they put a rope through it. And the big fellow says, “I’ll go into the place there and put the rope around the safe,” he says, “You go down there on the sidewalk and hold on to the end of the rope, and when I ease the safe out the window,” he says, “You just hold it and let it down easy.” He says, “Alright, I’ll do it.” So he goes out on the sidewalk. He’s holding on to the rope and the big guy gets up on the second floor and he lets the safe out very easily and all of a sudden it slips, crashes to the sidewalk, and the little guy forgets to let go of the rope. He goes all the way up to the top and his head hits the beam and he gets knocked off and down on his back out cold on the sidewalk. So the big guy rushes down the steps out to the sidewalk and he turns him over. He says, “Sam! Sam! Speak to me! Sam! Speak to me!” Didn’t a muscle move. He says, “Sam! Sam! Please! You’ve got to speak to me!” Just then the little guy’s eyes fluttered open. He says, “Speak to you?” He says, “I tipped my hat to you going up and coming down -- you didn’t even say hello!”

DJ: You didn’t have to finish the punchline, Ward. It was up fast to 1000 halfway through. Joe, I hate to keep putting you on the spot, but it’s yours.

JL: This one is about this very hoity-toity relative. Well, I know how toity she was. She was over toity, I know that. But she came over to visit this relative of hers, and this fellow with his wife and about ten kids and everything. So he asked her to stay for supper. So she sits down and she’s very very neat, you know. Looks around, and during the course of the meal, this fellow burps. And she says, “Oh, how rude.” She says, “Tell me, John. Are you in the habit of doing this before your children?” He says, “We ain’t got no timetable. Sometimes I do it before them, sometimes they do it before me!”

DJ: Well, looking up at the Colgate Palmolive laugh meter, Joe, it tells a rose story. In fact, the color was burple. You got a 1000. Makes it a perfect round all the way round. Four 1000s. So we’re going to send Mrs. Dorsey twenty-five dollars with the compliments of Colgate dental cream, plus a phonograph record of Peter Donald telling her story on the air. And now here’s Ron Rossen with an important message.

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DJ: Now we go around and around. This time the joke is sent in by Harry L. Cools of Erie, Pennsylvania. And it’s on the subject of “clerk.” I don’t care where it is, what store. A bank or anything. But just “clerk.”Peter?

PD: Well, it just happens this happened in Grand Central Station at the information booth and a lady walked up to the desk and the fellow was there, you know, and she walked up kind of cute and she said, “Ooh! Clerk! Ooh! Ooh! Clerk!” He said, “Yes, madam,” he says, “You want information?” She says, “For why else would I come to an information booth? To buy a girdle or something? Certainly I want information. I just got off the train. I just came from Chicagy and I… We were there on a gorgeous choo-coo train! We was in the train! Ooh! They call it the twentieth-century liniment. Oi is this a… So I got to visit my cousin in New York and the question I want to ask you, the information is: Do you know a woman in this town by the name of Cohen?” The guy says, “What? Do I know anyone in town by the name of Cohen?” He says, “Do you think I know everyone in New York?” She says, “No, Mr. Smarty-Pants, I didn’t think you would know everyone in New York, but I did think that any schlemiel would know at least one person!”

DJ: Don’t you know… Peter Donald at this point is searching for the punchline. He’s gone through all of the scripts of jokes sent in by people. Pete, I’m sorry, but it did not do it. You want to take it again?

PD: No!

DJ: Change it at the end? I have to tell Harry Cools exactly what the score was. Pete, if you don’t want to listen, it’s alright. I don’t want to upset you the whole evening. It wasn’t too bad. 600.

PD: Taken on average.

DJ: You got a 400 leeway. Let’s see. Ward is first.

WW: I thought of a couple on clerks, Denny. One is kind of a quick one I’ll toss in for nothing about the fellow who worked behind the goods counter, yard goods counter and this hoity-toity woman came over and said, “Pardon me. May I see that bolt up there?” So he hikes up this ladder and brings the bolt down, shows it to her, and she isn’t very impressed. She says, “May I see that one up there, please?” So he goes up the ladder again, brings another bolt down. About a half hour he has bolts all over the counter. There’s only one bolt left up on the top of the shelf. He said, “Look, lady. Pardon me. Are you interested in any of these things?” She said, “No, no. To tell you the truth, I’m just waiting here for a friend of mine.” He said, “Well, if you think he’s up in that last bolt I’ll go up and get it for you.”

DJ: That was just a throw-in, wasn’t it, Ward?

WW: Yeah.

DJ: Yeah, go ahead.

WW: Well, the other story’s about the son of a goofy guy working a delicatessen and this woman, a little matronly old lady came in. She said, “Pardon me. How much is butter?” He says, “Eighty-four cents a pound” She said, “How much would a half pound be?” He says, “That would be forty-two cents.” She said, “Well, how much would a quarter of a pound be?” “That would be twenty-one cents.” Said, “Well, how much would an eighth of a pound cost?” Said, “That would be ten and a half… eleven cents.” She said, “Well, how much would a sixteenth of a pound be.” He says, “Wait a minute lady. Go home and get the slice of bread and bring it over. I’ll butter it here.”

DJ: Ward, you buttered your bread and you were sly with the two because you got a big, round, one. That’s nice. The Colgate Palmolive laugh meter… What did you say?

WW: It’s on the margarine.

DJ: Yes, margarine. By a good margarine, eh?  Harry, take it.

HH: Well, I heard one that I think is a kind of a newie. A little home, you know an old-fashioned home decided to make it like a colonial home and get people there for a summer resort. And the first person that comes there is a big fat dame about 500 pounds. And the clerk says, “Boy, she’ll eat us out of home, certainly, in this place.” So they took her as the first customer. They wanted some publicity anyhow. And she goes up into the bed to sleep and right away she sinks the bed right to the bottom. So she comes down in the morning. She said, “I can’t seep in that bed. I got to have another bed. That’s something about them.” He said, “That’s alright. We can make money because of this. We’re going to send out publicity that Washington slept there with his horse!”

DJ: I thought maybe you’d just thrown that in.

HH: That’s thrown in.

DJ: Yeah. Well, it’s good. Go ahead.

HH: Well, one I always love is the one about there was a clerk and he had one leg shorter than the other, and he was back of the counter, and a drunk comes in, and he said, “I’d like to see a kind of a red kimono.” And the fellow said, “Red kimono?” He said, “Yes, I want to see a red kimono.” So he showed him a couple of kimonos. He said, “Ain’t that. I’d like to see a blue one.” So the clerk with the short leg sinks down on his other leg, and the drunk says, “If you have to go downstairs for it, don’t bother.”

DJ: He only goes down , but the meter goes up. That’s another 1000, and, of course, Joe, it’s your honor.

JL: This is one… this is for free too. This is about the fellow that comes into this department store. He says to the clerk, he says, “Are those good socks on the counter there?” He says, “Are they good socks? They’ve been on the counter for two weeks and there ain’t a hole in them yet!” That’s for free. The one I like, though, this one is sort of new to me. Fellow comes into the store and the clerk says, ‘What can I do for you?” Says, “How much is that collar button?” He says, “A collar button,” he says, “is eighteen dollars and fifty cents.” He says, “Eighteen dollars and fifty cents?” He says, “I forgot to tell you there. A tie goes with it. The hat. A shirt, socks, and a pair of shoes.:” He says, “I don’t want that. All I want is the collar button.” He says, “I’m very sorry. We don’t break up sets.”

DJ: You know, I kind of hate to break up this set. The three of you told your jokes and it was about six 1000s in there. Officially we’re all 1000s. Anybody want to see if they can keep it up? Go ahead, Harry.

HH: Well, I was just thinking of another barber story.

DJ: Way back to the first one? Go ahead.

HH: There was a barber telling… He was telling a friend. He said, “We have a fine idea. Instead of the boss now,” he said, ‘We have music with the work. That’s  what all the factories are doing now. When we shave we have music.” And he said, “We’ve got to find a record, then it’s beautiful. You shave very slow on the face, and you [sings] ‘We’re forever blowing bubbles.’” He said, “It’s wonderful.” So next week, fellow said, “You still got music there?” He said, “Yeah. We got music, but we’re losing the customers.” He said, “What do you mean?” He said, “The customers are losing their noses and their ears.” He said, “On account of the music?” He said, “Yeah. The boss -- he kind of greedy. It was very fine,” he said, “when we had, you know, [sings]  ‘I’m forever blowing bubbles.’ [speaking] Now he put on another record. [sings] ‘Yankee doodle went to town…’”

DJ: I suppose you want to go to the second round, Ward. Well, alright.

JL: Well, you know…

DJ: Ward was going to start one, Joe.

JL: Oh, pardon me. Sorry.

WW: Alright. Harry going back to barber reminds me of one that happened down the Lambs Club with Charlie, our barber down there. I was sitting back, listening to the ball game, getting shave the other day, and in the middle of it he says, “Mr. Wilson, pardon me.” He says, “You been eating borscht?” I said, “What?” He said, “You been eating borscht?” I said, “No, I haven’t been eating borscht.” He said, “Oh. I think I cut you.”

DJ: That I like, Ward.

JL: Talking of a guy being cut, a friend meets a fellow and he says, “All cut up!” He said, “What’s the matter? Shave or something?” He said, “No, I went to a barber.” He said, “If you went to a good barber, you wouldn’t be cut up like that.” He said, “I went to the best barber. What are you talking about? I went to a hotel, a big hotel, a barbershop in a hotel.” He says, “What hotel? A hotel. They couldn’t cut you” He says,”The Ymca.” He says, “Where?” He says, “I went to the Ymca Hotel.” He says, “Where is it?” He says, “On 12^th Street.” He says, “I’ve been around 12^th. I’ve never heard of the Imca.” He says, “The Ymca! There’s a big sign there. Y-M-C-A. Ymca.”

DJ: Well, that…. Ymca going to stop right in here and give the score at least, fellows, before we do wind up activities. You know that Mr. Cools only got a 600. Our three wits got about twelve thousand 1000s.

JL: Wait till next week.

DJ: So we’re going to send Mr. Cools ten dollars with the compliments of Colgate dental cream and a copy of that laugh-packed and brand new joke book Cream of the Crop, written by our three wits. You want to say something, harry. Go ahead.

HH: Got time for another barber story?

DJ: You got about twenty seconds if you think you can pull it off.

JL: Talking about twenty seconds, I was reading the paper that everybody…I’ve been reading all day. You know, I’ve always noticed in the papers that people flee from Russia. Every time somebody flees from Russia. I never read where anybody flees to Russia. You like that?

DJ: That took up the twenty seconds. So, friends, that just about does it. Peter Bowers has picked up his old, discarded joke, and we’re going to pick up and pack up. Join “Can You Top This?” originated by Senator Ford next week. Same time, same gang, other jokes, some new, some old. Until then, we remain yours for bigger and better laughs:

WW: Ward Wilson batting for Senator Ford.

HH: Harry Hershfield.

JL: Joe Russian Laurie Jr

DJ: Dennis James

DD: And Dan Donaldson saying goodnight for the Colgate-Palmolive Peet company, makers of Colgate Dental cream, to clan your breath while you clean your teeth and Palmolive lather shave cream, for a smoother, more comfortable way to shave.